


Is that an Euphemism in your Pocket?

by NaroMoreau



Category: Good Omens (TV)
Genre: And they love each other so much, Attempt at Humor, Banter, Dialogue-Only, Discussions of sex, Drunken Shenanigans, Humor, M/M, Sex Positions, of really weird sex positions, or at least, they're married, this is silly all around
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-05
Updated: 2020-10-05
Packaged: 2021-03-08 02:26:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 496
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26844349
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NaroMoreau/pseuds/NaroMoreau
Summary: Crowley suggests to try a new sex position, while drunk. Aziraphale is having none of it. Or is he?-----Written for the NTA Round 8 of the GO Events Discord Server
Relationships: Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens)
Comments: 48
Kudos: 132
Collections: NTA #8 - Is This Your Card?





	Is that an Euphemism in your Pocket?

**Author's Note:**

> This was born out of a silly idea at the GO Event's Discord server and I can't tell how bowled over I am for everything that stem from it. If you want to see the card I drew, please click the link and have a laugh.
> 
> Title by the wonderful @sk3tch!
> 
> [Four of Clubs: Bombs bursting in air](https://drive.google.com/file/d/1svOL03jatHEl73luyg73rTELIEjzFbs1/view?usp=sharing)

" _ Zsssir'aphaleeee.  _ Just - just hear me out, okay _? _ "

"Absolutely out of the question. Have you gone off your trolley? This looks absolutely nefarious!"

" _ C'moooon _ ."

"Crowley. You're drunk."

"An’ you're booooring."

"Better be boring than drunk and risking having my uhm, my-"

"Cock. That’ssa four letter word for ya."

" _ Good Lord _ . Do you have to be so vulgar, my dear? I was about to say my manhood-" 

"Angelhood. No, no. _Etherealhood_. Y'know _teznical-_ _tencihc-_ honestly."

"Being as it may. Risking having myself bent at an odd angle."

"You won't! You can't!"

"And how can you possibly know that, mmm?"

"Cause you're an  _ aaaaangel _ ."

"And you're a demon. And I know you. And all this might well be some sort of ludicrous scenario you’ve concocted in that silly head of yours thinking it could be quite funny. It’s not, Crowley. It’s frankly quite alarming."

"Okay. First? Ouch. Second, I'm your  _ hussssband,  _ you’re s’pposed to trussst me. You married me! On purpose, which wassn’t your brightest moment that’s for sure."

"Oh, hush. You are truly an infuriating, ridiculous creature."

"But you loooove me."

"Of course I do. Quite abundantly I may add."

" _ Ngghsk _ . Yeah.  _ Mmfhh _ ."

"Because you're a one of a kind, sweet, and loving-"

"Ugh. How dare you. I'm nothin' of the  _ sssort _ ."

"Oh, more's the pity, then. I could have been persuaded by a loving demon, perhaps?"

"R-really?"

"When have I been able to deny you, my love?"

" _ Nnghf _ . S'ppose never."

"Well, there you go."

"So.”

“Is this even possible? Bombs bursting in air. Sounds completely outlandish. Are you sure you’re not poking fun?”

“‘M not! It’s all a very er, very real, very human thing.”

“Mmm.”

“Wot.”

“How do you even propose I should balance you?”

“Dunno. Jusst- Flap your wings or sumthin’.”

“Flap my- Crowley. Are you serious?”

“Why not?”

“I'm an angel of the Lord. My wings are not meant to be used for… for...”

" _ Nnnnggghh _ jackhammering a demon?"

"You're a brute."

"And you love it."

“Mmm. Perhaps I could just carry you.”

“ _ Ohhh _ . You should do that. Yep. Do that. Just fucking swing me.”

“This sounds like a terrible exertion, my dear, honestly. Don’t you want to try something that involves a lesser risk of discorporation?”

“Oh, c’mon. This’ll be fun! Oodles of fun.”

“Somehow I doubt it.”

“What can go poss’bly wrong, uh? You’re strong! You just--  _ swooped _ that boulder off the wall to let Adam and Eve go through. Are you telling me I am heavier than a boulder, angel? ‘M nothin’ compared to that.”

“Yes, well. I wasn’t trying to fornicate with that boulder now, was I?”

"How could I know what you were posss'bly up to in my absence?"

"Oh, you're terrible, you fiend."

"...”

“...”

“So that's a yes?"

"I suppose. Only-"

"Wot."

"Tuck your own wings tightly. I don't want to lose an eye if you pop them out during, well- You know how you get."

"You have eyes to spare!  _ Eyezsssiraphale _ ."

"I truly hate when you call me that."


End file.
